March has loomed for awhile now, and with it comes the mixed emotions of entering into a very different situation from a year ago while knowing there is a fog from March 2020 that hasn’t gone away.
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Today we received our first paper delivery; what incredible timing. For anyone feeling like they’re not being heard or are alone in how they’re feeling, this was a sad but needed reminder that you are in good, strong, trying to make it through the day company.
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The King of Beers and I had a rough day holding court.
It’s day number 13,462 of this pandemic if you live in this apartment. I googled “Pandemic burnout strategies” today and the most popular article was dated March 31, 2020. March 31st- we hadn’t even dipped a toe in the pandemic pond at that point.
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It was a snow day in NYC and I am not a fan of snow days.
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For a moment, it felt like a typical walk home, forgetting about all the news that continues to swirl around us.
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This is what the days leading up to the first day of school feel like here in NYC - uncertain, wondering how solid the ground is you're standing on and just waiting for the next wave to upend any plans you've attempted to make for the fall.
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It’s easy to forget that two months ago today we learned schools would close and we were to go on lockdown. It’s easy to forget how scary that felt; how those last few subway rides left everyone feeling uneasy, how cold and lonely we were.
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To all those loving their moms and mom villages so much but not feeling all the feels about motherhood today, this is for you.
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We found a nearly empty Columbia, a table in the sun and for 10 minutes, we got to be together, outside, with naked faces. Chewing and masks just don't go hand and hand, and since we had no competition whatsoever, and we had wiped down the table, we could comfortably have lunch, just like we would have done six months ago without giving it a second thought. It was just for a little while but it was the taste all of us needed to remind ourselves that this too shall pass, even though up our way, it's going to be awhile.
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Suddenly the guy was in front of me, yelling my name and waving his arms around with a big bunch of red roses. It took me a minute before realizing it was Todd. He was wearing a suit and holding a dozen roses and all I could ask him was, “What are you doing here?!?” After all, he never mentioned any aspirations for visiting the ferry terminal and I was pretty sure I hadn’t missed plans to meet.
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For those who don’t have children and are considering bringing these blessings into their lives, I invite you to read on to get yourself an education on what we’re saying but not saying. I’m sure your future child/children won’t be this way, but just in case, consider this your crash course. For those who have found themselves authoring one of these posts, I’m curious to see if most of us write in this code or if perhaps, I am the exception and not the rule.
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This is what living in the gray is like. Having a toe in the water at a number of different ponds, but never feeling fully immersed in one. I imagine I’m not the only one who lives in this way, although social media tends to paint a picture that so many others have found a place in the pond, complete with a flamingo raft and a fruity drink in hand photo to document it.
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Now with two kids in elementary school and one starting preschool I am again reminded of why I wasn’t an early childhood major. To all those out there working with preschool and early elementary students, I raise all my coffees to you.
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