The King and I

Written January 21, 2021

The King of Beers and I had a rough day holding court.

It’s day number 13,462 of this pandemic if you live in this apartment. I googled “Pandemic burnout strategies” today and the most popular article was dated March 31, 2020. March 31st- we hadn’t even dipped a toe in the pandemic pond at that point. The next most popular was from August. And then there was nothing. Apparently the strategy to dealing with pandemic burnout is to suck it up buttercup. So I decided steamed shrimp would make the day better.

I learned that despite being able to buy just one beer nearly anywhere else in NYC, that is not the case at one grocery store near me. It’s not as if the King of Beers is flying off the shelves, as evidenced by the Budweiser holiday cans that remain on display. Nonetheless, since I refused to buy milk and a six-pack of the King, I set off to the other grocery store that understands what pandemic burnout requires and allows for individual Kings to be purchased.

Once home, C screamed for the 23rd time today and my divine parenting strategy was to let her know I was tired and cranky and if she was going to scream, the King and I would scream right back. She was not deterred.

I got the water and beer going on the stove. Ten minutes later I noticed the boil was not rolling, which was due to the fact that the King’s carbonated beer bubbles should not be mistaken for boils and instead, one must turn the burner on.

At dinner my name was called for the 2,592,537th time since March and I wondered what would happen if the King and I were to just run away. We’re working on our plan. And we will remember to turn any necessary buttons/dials to the on position.

Pandemic parenthood is no joke. I am so done with all of this and yet, the King and I cannot escape. So we’ll trudge forward, with noise cancelation headphones on, hiding in the bathroom and hoping others make good choices so we can one day emerge from this situation. And we’ll invite anyone who wants to, to buy only one King of Beers. You’re welcome.