Snow Daze

Written December 17, 2020

It was a snow day in NYC and I am not a fan of snow days. Especially when they're in December, in a pandemic, when you're behind in most things, missing friends and family and a break from school looms so you can spend more quality time with your immediate family after nine months of nothing but precious moments and quality time.

I woke up in a funk I couldn't shake. I kept going back and forth, feeling frustrated, followed by moments of immense gratitude and then feeling like a jerk for being frustrated before. I wished there were no school assignments because it was a snow day and wishing there was more structure to the day. I couldn't find a box to fit a Christmas present that needed to be mailed so it could arrive on time, acknowledging it didn't really matter if it arrived on time because my nephew isn't yet one month old and wouldn't be any the wiser. It was a day filled with all the big feelings and the tug of war of feeling like I should be acting like a better parent while acknowledging it's a hard time to be a parent.

I spoke with teachers who felt they had to apologize because they were feeling discouraged and unsuccessful as it's hard to measure growth in students when they can't interact with them in person and only so much can be measured through the screen. I spoke with a principal who is trying to figure out how to magically accommodate the push toward five days a week of in-person learning when they're just barely able to make the current model work. I caught myself volleying back and forth between tremendous appreciation for what my kids' teachers are doing and then worrying that my six-year-old won't be able to read without it feeling laborious by the time June rolls around.

So I did what any normal adult would do and scanned my social media feed, noticing I was the only one who wasn't overjoyed for a snow day. Others were able to manage getting gloves and boots on their children without meltdowns, tears and losing a few pounds from sweating while wrestling with the cold weather gear. Then I remembered I know better - all of us know better. Some of us needed space to air our not so joyous feelings today and others welcomed a day of cold weather joy with open arms.

To all of us trying to find our way, here's to us. Here's to the joys and the pains and the tears and the missing and the hugs we'll give again one day and the promise we see thanks to science and our friends and family who are doing their part and wearing their masks and staying home. Here's to knowing this too shall pass, but we can have some pretty crappy days along the way. Here's to looking forward to what's to come, to being grateful for what we have and to screaming into the pillows when no one is within earshot because we have to let it out somehow.

Here's to us friends - the snow day lovers and haters and all those in between. And here's to no more snow days in December, because some of us need those couple hours of preschool to get ourselves together without being shamed for printing the wrong Tots coloring page.

Tomorrow is a new day. Let’s do this.