The ides of March 2020, three years later

Written March 14, 2023

Day 21 of 40 in a 45-day period: Three years ago we had three kids seven and under in a six room (eight if you count the bathrooms) apartment, living in an unprecedented in our lifetimes epicenter. There was no backyard for social distancing, no second home to go to and we didn’t own a car so there was no car to sit in when a short escape was needed.

Right around this time, G decided naps were “optional” meaning she would never nap again. But she did insist on a daily Mickey “Zoom.” Our playgrounds had caution tape around them; the rims were removed from basketball courts. Taking the trains was off the table and we weren’t sure about cabs. Instead I brought our umbrella stroller to Trader Joe’s and creatively would load it up once a week and walk a mile home with bags of groceries strapped in. My back, right between my shoulders, paid for it the next day.

Despite our close quarters and having a lot of time together, it was crushingly lonely. So many neighbors left and you could count on one hand the number of cars driving on the Henry Hudson Parkway.

There were also glimmers of hope. Every night people would clap and cheer and blow air horns at 7 p.m. for the essential workers. I got to know our UPS driver who would always say hello. After I emailed C’s kindergarten teacher to let her know the assessment wouldn’t be completed because C and I were both in tears, she sat with C on Zoom for 40 minutes and C got it done.

For as isolated and lonely as I felt, I found connection thanks to social media where others weren’t afraid to say publicly they did not love nor like this quality time either. I admitted to myself I was not okay and reached back out to my therapist for support. When the weather finally warmed up we would skip an afternoon Zoom here and there and spend time on Columbia’s lawn because no one else was around. Slowly we began to find our way.

In many ways we’re still trying to find our way. I didn’t think March would hit as hard this year but it has - harder in some ways and gentler in others. I don’t know if in the end, this story will have a warm, fuzzy ending. Maybe instead the silver lining is that we’re still here, facing March head on yet again. But this time with more naps.