Written March 21, 2023

Day 28 of 40 in a 45-day period: This morning’s meditation was about being aware of our thoughts, paying attention to the inner talk. I found this ironic; when I meditate I try to silence my inner talk. Since I was encouraged to pay attention, this is a snippet of what I heard:

I need to schedule H’s upcoming well visit with the pediatrician. G’s too.

Should I wear my puffy coat today? Feels cold now but supposedly like spring later.

Which babysitter is coming today and did I send them the info?

I need to book sitters for April.

April is getting close.

What are we doing about Easter?

I think I picked up someone’s cold.

What are the odds I could nap on the 2 this afternoon?

It turns out being asked to pay attention to my thoughts does not serve me well. I’ve been meditating for the last few years in an effort to quiet my brain that will not stop talking. I wake up in the middle of the night in a dialogue with myself. I have full circle conversations in my head. I want to quiet the noise, but how?

I once read that not everyone has a continuously running dialogue in their heads. What happens when a thought occurs to them? Is this how you sleep through the night? If there is a way to train one’s mind to go on mute I would like to know about it.

I assume it would take time to find such a program and be successful. In the meantime, here is a wrap-up of today’s full circle morning thoughts: I still need to schedule both appointments. It did feel like spring today and I loved it, even if the puffy coat was too much this afternoon. The babysitter was all set, April babysitters remain a to-do, April is way too close, what ARE we doing for Easter/spring break, I most definitely have picked up someone’s cold, and the 2 was not a place for a nap (although a man balancing his bicycle was able to doze off which was impressive).

In an effort to get ahead of tomorrow morning’s stream of consciousness decision making dialogue - leave the puffy coat at home and soak up the sun in the afternoon. It’ll be freezing again by Saturday and I’ll be back to cursing March for being an obnoxious pack of lions.