Written March 17, 2023

Day 24 of 40 in a 45-day period: On Friday afternoons I pick up my kids from school and we go to the playground nearby. We live 50 blocks away from school (a story for another time). It’s a short train ride away but in many ways, a world away from many of the girls’ friends. Fridays are a time to see their people outside of school and run around as kids can effortlessly do while I observe and hope no one gets hurt.

At the playground I get to be a parent observer rather than a parent facilitator. As an observer I get to see the people my kids are when they’re out in the world. Occasionally they check in - usually for snacks - but for the most part once they arrive they dump all the things and are off and running.

Being an observer raises the question of if/when to intervene. When they were younger, playground problems were simpler to manage. Asking kids to take turns on the swings or apologizing if a sand castle was crushed were easy choices. Today I watch and wrestle with how equipped my girls are to manage bigger kid playground problems.

Some calls are easier to make, such as stepping in because we can’t tackle each other on concrete. That is reserved for turf as long as everyone is okay with it. Or when a kid has camped out on top of the monkey bars, blocking access, and you gently remind them to get the hell off so others can use the bars too.

It’s the grayish calls that leave me wondering how much, if at all, to step in like when:

My kid yells at a friend in a conflict.

A kid tells me my child is bullying them but then they go right back to the situation and instigate something new.

My kid wants to climb to the highest section of the playground equipment, not designed for climbing, because a friend did, so why not? That’s a no but then I have to remind myself I can do hard things like not succumb to peer pressure from third graders and say yes.

I imagine in time this gray area will become even grayer, when social media plays a role or meet ups where parents aren’t present. Today I’ll navigate the role of the parent observer while studying how to one day be a parent social media sleuth.

It’s always something.