Written March 4, 2023

Day 11 of 40 in a 45-day period: I had the day all planned out. C and I needed to go shopping to find new shirts as lately, nothing has felt good. I figured we’d go to a couple stores and then grab lunch, followed by walking around together. It would be lovely.

This is not how the day went. I woke up with a stress headache and the hopes that getting outside would do the trick. It did not. While walking I thought about my perfect plan again, and caught myself making that colossal parenting mistake that dooms most outings with kids. I was thinking about it from an adult perspective, not a kid perspective. I had planned a lovely little Saturday of shopping and lunch, and C does not love shopping nor is her palate open to new experiences.

I wonder if a major contributor to the challenge of parenthood is that at times, we parent the kid we think we have, or the kid we thought we would have, and fail to consider the kid we do have.

When C was younger, her favorite color was pink and she would be dressed in it head to toe. Today I still find myself grabbing hues of pink when it comes to her clothes and have to catch myself as her favorite color isn’t pink any longer, it’s blue. She loves playing soccer, would watch videos for hours if we would let her, drinks enough water in a day to fill a fish tank and has to really work at school. Will all of these things still be true a few years from now? Or six months from now? I’ve given up on predicting the next phase and have learned to ride it out and do my best to adjust on the fly.

We had a really nice day once lunch at home was decided on because the bagel that she loved last week was absolutely disgusting this week as was every option we had at home. After that hurdle, and a genuine apology for being not as kind as she could have been, we got dressed, shopped at two stores for new shirts that felt good and we even took a little walk after. C only asked how many more blocks of the 14-block walk were left five different times. It was a great success.

It turns out when we let go of our expectations and open ourselves to our reality, we can have a lovely afternoon that was just what both of us needed.