Written on May 25, 2022

I took my second and fourth grader to school this morning. We were undecided on whether or not to talk to them about it but then I read something about how kids should not feel scared alone, and having them hear about such a horrific event at home means they don’t have to process it alone if they hear about it from someone else.

So we talked about the school shooting in Texas, and that children were shot and killed and the police killed the shooter. We talked about how there are protocols in place at their school to keep them safe and school safety agents and locked doors. We talked about how their teachers and school staff and administrators and custodians put students’ safety and comfort first.

It was the first time I can recollect wishing I fully believed in those reassurances too, knowing that protocols can only do so much. Knowing that a school safety agent’s gun is no match for a military style rifle and body armor. Knowing that it is way too easy for people to purchase weapons that are designed for mass killings. Knowing the gun violence our city experiences.

H was relieved we live in a safe place relative to other states. C however was in tears, and scared to go to school. After a few minutes her tears subsided. But C is sensitive and feels things deeply, and her questions began.

“If someone climbed the fence and into the school yard, what would we do?”

“We have three police at school (school safety agents) and I bet that’s because if one of them needed to use their gun to protect us but they forgot it, they could borrow one of the other ones. Right?”

“Can guns break glass?”

“Can guns break plastic?”

It was as if she knew that yes, her school is a safe place, but it’s just as vulnerable as any other school is to a mass shooting.

I dropped them off and did my best to hide my own fears. But I sense they knew I was scared too.

I’ll keep talking to my kids, even when I don’t know what to say and it all feels awful.

The world is a terrifying place on days like today. I’ll vote for the helpers and encourage my kids to one day do the same.