About me, this time at the end of 2023

I was going to delete the original About Me and then thought twice. The original writing reflected who I was back in 2019 (although that picture is from the end of 2017) and just because things have changed doesn’t mean they need to be deleted.

However quite a bit has changed, so here I am to reintroduce myself.

I do live in Morningside Heights with my three girls. T and I have separated and I’m not sure what you call someone when you’re still tangled up in one another’s lives but are working to disentangle some of those things. He is the father of my children and my coparent and one day we’ll figure out what our titles are to one another.

The last few years were hard for me and for my family. There was nothing outwardly wrong - we were healthy, we were figuring out how to live through a pandemic in New York City, we were raising our three kids. But there were fractures in our marriage and those fractures weren’t healing. I held onto the hope that he would change, that I would change, that things would get easier and it turns out hope isn’t enough.

I clung to Cold Brew and Peanut M&Ms and lately, plain potato chips. There was a time I could have been an affiliate marketer for Extra Strength Advil. It’s interesting how the body processes emotional pain in physical ways.

Today I feel uncertain and like things are spinning as we try to disentagle a life that was meant to be shared by both of us under one roof with our kids. Things don’t look like i thought they would. However my headaches are minimal now. My chest pains have eased. There are so many more things to figure out - work, kids, co-parenting, juggling holidays and birthdays and all the school things. I don’t know that this story will have a happy ending but I do believe I will have a happier demeanor and be a healthier model for my kids.

So for today, that’s all there is to say about me. A lot of gray with glimmers of gold. I started writing consistently back in February of 2023 and I’m updating the blog to capture all of it in one place and not just on social media channels. I’ve wondered if writing could be something more than a creative outlet and that’s a big gray area too.

But you just never know and today I’m open to taking a risk because I’ve learned you can’t soften the fall but you can control when you jump.